Regrets
by ThePsychohosebeast
Summary: ONE SHOT Set from Snape's P.O.V . Hogwarts has an ice ball in which Severus is forced to attend. Much to his surprise Hermione Granger catches his eye which stirs up several emotions within him but she is too busy 'wasting' herself on Harry 'Arrogance' Potter. The night reminds him too much of that one fateful and regretful dance when he was at school. I suck at summaries!


Hi!

So basically this a one shot I started last summer and have been writing on and off all year! I'm very proud to have finally got it finished (I've tried writing before but I can never get anything completed!). I want to write more one day but I mainly make youtube vids (if you want to check any out you can find me on youtube with the same username), shameless self promo ;)

I hope that you enjoy the story and leave me a review :)

Enjoy!

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Blasted Dumbledore, giving these spotty faced brats more chances to play up.

I eye up two third year boys standing by an ice sculpture in the corner, giggling foolishly at a group of fifth year girls and sigh.

If I Severus Snape ruled this school, the last thing I would think about having would be a bloody ball.

Damn Dumbledore

"Ah Severus I'm glad you stopped sulking long enough in your dungeons to come out and join us" As if appearing by the power of thought, Dumbledore is at my side holding a glass of what looks like elf made wine.

"Don't push your luck Albus otherwise I may just retreat back there" I mutter scowling at one of those god awful Weasley twins hovering close to us "I don't know why the hell you decided on this ridiculous idea, it just hands out opportunities for brats like the Weasley's to play up" I nod over to the ginger haired sod who is now pouring something that suspiciously looks like vodka into a punch bowl.

"_Accio Vodka_" I say in my head and watch in glee as Weasley's shocked and angry face turns to glare at me, as his precious bottle reaches my open hand.

"20 points from Gryffindor Mr Weasley and if I catch you doing that again it will be detention with me for a week, would give us a nice little chance to catch up on your failure at potions wouldn't it?" I sneer at him and pocket the bottle

"Git" I hear him mutter as he walks off

I clench my fists, that Weasley brat should show me some respect, who the hell does he think he is?

"What did I tell you Albus? Handing out the opportunity to them and now I am spent wasting a perfectly good evening babysitting these wretched brats" I spit

"Oh come off it Severus, how can you not be enjoying yourself? Gives you a chance to get out and have some fun for once. I'm sure the kids are enjoying your presence" Dumbledore winks at me and walks off to McGonagall who is looking rather tipsy already.

I clench my fists and try to block out the thought of cursing everyone in this awful place.

"Hi Sir" I wheel round and find those two moronic Pavatil twins giggling at me.

I push past them determined to find a drink in this hell hole.

All around me there are people dressed up extravagantly, women in beautiful crafted dresses and men in luxurious dress robes. The Great Hall has really been transformed into some sort of ice palace, sculptures are everywhere, and pastel coloured flowers sit in ice vases on every table. Candelabras light up the room with gentle blue flames, casting mysterious shadows about the place.

I spot an elf holding an ice tray of wine; I hastily make my way over and grab one.

The glass itself is also made out of ice, but Dumbledore must have bewitched it with a simple charm so the ice is not too cold to touch. I put the glass to my lips and relish the cool soothing sensation and take a sip of wine.

I admit it's good wine but I find myself wanting something stronger like firewhiskey.

"Oh Severus darling I'm glad you could make it!"

I inwardly cringe but plaster a small smile on my face before turning round to face that wretched Narcissa Malfoy

"Ah Narcissa how are you?" I glide over to her, trying not to break the ice glass in my hand

"Oh come on Severus don't be a stranger" She sticks her cheek out towards me expecting some sort of kiss gesture.

I feel anger surge through me but comply with her wishes by planting a small dry kiss on her left cheek before moving back from her, praying Lucius isn't watching.

I wonder what on earth had persuaded Dumbledore to invite these poor excuses for wizards?

"Well as you may know if you read the Prophet, Lucius has been promoted yet again, all exciting news of course"

Yes it must be so exciting for you having a higher amount of money to waste on extravagant needless things Narcissa I think to myself, taking another sip of my wine.

She stands there watching me closely expecting me to say something

"Congratulations. So what brings the pair of you here?" I reply dryly

"For _Draco_ of course! All the parents have been invited to this soirée, it's just a shame Dumbledore couldn't have made it exclusively to just Slytherin, he had to open it up for all the other riff raff" she sniffs and fixes her piercing blue eyes on the Weasley twin I had just confiscated alcohol from.

I decide not to comment and stare pensively at my wine, before taking another sip.

"I'm sure Lucius has some business he might want to discuss with you Severus, after all we do trust you so"

I look up at Narcissa and see she has moved closer to me, her pale green exquisite dress robes rubbing against my arm.

I swallow and resist the urge to curse her to a quivering mess at my feet

"Yes well I'll be sure to talk to _Lucius _about it"

I look around trying to find an excuse to disappear before this conversation gets out of hand but I feel her hand snake round my arm and stroke my robe.

I look down at her and she smiles playfully back up at me.

"Oh Severus you know you don't have to speak to Lucius about anything when I'm right here waiting…" She lowers her voice "for _you_" she finishes seductively.

Oh fuck what do I do?

_Stay calm Severus_

I look at her and try to muster some sort of smile to my lips

"Oh there you are Narcissa"

Fuck.

I look up in horror as I see Lucius Malfoy walking towards us in expensive green robes mixed with an ice blue colour to match his eyes.

"I wondered where you had got to" I feel Narcissa let go of my robes and lean into Lucius's outstretched arm.

"Keeping Severus company I see" he looks over to me and raises one perfect eyebrow, then shoots me an icy glare.

I take a sip of my wine and manage somehow to stay calm, as Lucius starts going on about his new promotion, and this two week holiday in the South of France he is wanting to book soon.

I try to look mildly interested in his tedious bragging; ignoring Narcissa's come hither looks.

The room starts to fill up a bit more, and the talking gets louder and louder until Lucius is practically shouting about his darling Draco's school achievements.

I have to get out of this place; I cannot convey any interest any longer especially not about their stupid brat.

"Yes well it has yet to been seen Draco make a real improvement with his potions this year, but please excuse me I have to go do something" I shoot them both a small smile hoping it doesn't show them how much I want to stupefy the pair of them.

I back off and emerge myself in the crowd trying to avoid anyone making eye contact with me.

Luckily the awful dancing hasn't started yet, so I'm not forced into the unforgivable torture of being made to dance.

I spot the Great Hall's open doors and make my way towards them, slamming my drink down on a table on the way.

Bloody Malfoy's, no wonder Draco is so arrogant he takes after his father.

Thinking of arrogance, I see Potter standing there with that Ginny Weasley on his arm, looking all smug just like his father.

I inwardly groan and shoot him a death glare, which he wastes no time in returning before smirking at me as he looks away.

I clench my fists and storm over to them

"Five points from Gryffindor" I spit

He looks at me as if I'm dirt on his shoe

"For doing what exactly?" he raises an eyebrow at me

His stupid little girlfriend tries to suppress a giggle

"For cheek" I hiss and turn to the Weasley girl "And if you don't stop your childish laughing, I'll take another five, now get into the Great Hall, the pair of you!"

I watch as they scurry off into the hall and feel a sense of satisfaction wash over me, humiliating Potter in front of his precious little girlfriend has made this evening worthwhile.

The anger from attending this awful event, Narcissa's advances and Lucius's bragging has died down, and I'm back to feeling calm and collected.

I look around and find that I'm completely alone out here, no raging teenagers kissing in dark corners, no illegal drinking taking place.

I feel at ease, no-one there watching me although I wouldn't mind doing with another glass of that wine…

"Oh"

I turn back around and see Hermione Granger standing at the top of the stairs in a periwinkle blue dress, her usual bushy hair done up in a sleek knot with strands of curly hair coming down from it.

I am taken aback by her appearance, the transformation is remarkable.

She looks beautiful.

_What the hell Severus? She is not only your student, but the most annoying know-it-all!_

This brings me back to my senses, what was I thinking?

I straighten up and glare at her

"Miss Granger it may be wise to stop standing there staring at me like a goldfish, what is it you want?" I snap

I see her swallow nervously

"I was going to meet Harry and Ginny here; I just wondered where they were"

I roll my eyes at her and shake my head in despair

"I sent Mr Potter and Miss Weasley inside a few minutes ago for cheek"

"Oh" she simply reply's again and starts walking down the staircase.

I can't stop staring at her; she looks so elegant, so beautiful. She carries herself down the stairs in such a grace I almost feel hypnotised.

She looks at me with a small smile on her soft lips, I find myself starting to smile back until I realise what I am doing.

_Snap out of it Severus, you can't stand this girl remember?_

I think back to all those tedious times in class, where she always has to be the first person to answer every question in some smug knowingness of her being correct.

I feel a bit of anger surge through me as I remember the times she has had the cheek to correct me on my potions techniques and school rules.

I glare at her as she reaches the bottom of the staircase.

"So where is Weasley? I thought you two were practically joined at the hip seeing as he is unable to function by himself, must be the downfall of having your brain in your trousers" I quip and watch her blush looking away from me "Well?"

I stand there and put my hands on my hips and raise an eyebrow at her. She eventually looks at me and swallows.

"Ron's ill so I had to come down by myself sir" she mumbles

"What a shame" I reply dryly

I feel a bit happy at Weasley's non presence this night, it might just be an opportunity to bully Potter a bit without his sidekick around, teach him some respect.

I look at her and for some odd reason feel a twinge of sympathy that she is all dressed up and has no date.

She looks at me and blushes slightly again, fiddling nervously with one of her earrings.

If only she was a bit older I find myself thinking.

_Get a grip Severus _

The voice inside my head is right, why do I care about this know-it-all anyway? I wouldn't be surprised if she has casted some sort of love charm to make everyone admire her this evening.

She's just the annoying Gryffindor from class who has always been a thorn in my side since she stepped through the dungeon door, an annoying brat that hero worships Potter and dates that pathetic drooling Weasley kid.

"Sir, may I ask you something?" I look up at her and see that she is still twiddling nervously with her earring.

"What is it Miss Granger?" I sigh

I see her take a small breath as if to calm her nerves and I feel the odd sensation of butterflies in my stomach

Maybe she is going to ask me to be her date?

_What the fuck Severus? What the actual fuck? _

Did I really just think that?

What the hell have I turned into? A spotty seventeen year old again?

God I need another drink.

I think about drinking the vodka in my robe pocket that I confiscated earlier, but stop myself from being unprofessional.

"You know that mock test we took in class the other day; I was just wondering how did I do? That's if you have marked the papers of course" her voice interrupts my thoughts

I stare at her astonished.

Typical know-it-all, constantly thinking about her precious grades, hounding me about if I've marked her stupid paper!

"Yes I have marked them Miss Granger but you can wait till Monday when they are posted along with everyone else's" I snap

I watch as her smile falters and she folds her arms crossly.

"Fine" She snaps back at me

I feel a bubble of anger rise up inside me but as I look at her sad face, I feel the anger subside.

"Oh stop sulking Granger, just go and enjoy yourself for once" I hear myself saying, the words seeming so strange to me, after all it's usually someone saying those exact same words to me.

I let out a sigh and she looks at me

"So are you not going to the ball?" she asks me shyly with a small smile on her lips.

I stare at her chocolate eyes and a strange sensation washes over me.

I know I need to get a grip and get away from here before I do something stupid, especially when it involves a person I usually can't stand.

"Probably not" I eventually answer and she opens her mouth to say something "Not that it is any business of yours Miss Granger" I quickly add

"You should go sir, you know stop sulking and go enjoy yourself for once" she smirks at me and steps towards me

I open my mouth at her decision to cheek me

"You know Miss Granger, usually that would be five points from Gryffindor for sheer cheek, however just for tonight, I'll make the foolish decision to let it slide"

I raise an eyebrow at her, and she gives me a small smile.

I don't move back as she steps closer to me again, I can see the pale freckles on her nose.

What is she playing at?

She takes another step forward, but this time I decide it would be safer if I moved back away from her.

After all why is she suddenly acting like this towards me? I thought she couldn't stand me? She certainly has always given me that impression. And what do I think I'm doing? Usually I can't stand that stupid brat either, she is just a child and here I am doing some sort of flirting with her.

"Hermione here you are!"

I wheel round and see that, that Potter brat has come out by himself; he shoots me a glare and walks over to Granger.

I watch as he takes hold of her hand and kisses it.

I feel anger wash all over me, and find myself wanting to rip him to pieces.

"Hi Harry" she says softly

I look at her and she is staring at him intently with admiration, a small blush on her cheeks.

"You look absolutely beautiful" He cups her delicate face in his hands and plant's a kiss on her lips.

The anger pounds through me; I clench my teeth together and glare at the pair of them.

What the hell is going on?

I thought Potter was with that ginger bitch? And Granger was dating Weasley?

I watch as he deepens the kiss, and see her hand trace a circle on his back.

The anger surges through me like an electrical current.

"50 POINTS EACH FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR INAPROPRIATE SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR IN FRONT OF A TEACHER!" I rage

Potter leaps away from her and looks at me with shock and confusion, which soon disappears into his usual smirk that has been obviously inherited from his father.

I look at Granger seething and see that she is looking at me terrified. I notice the glistening of tears in her eyes.

"But sir I was only kissing her" Potter starts with his usual arrogance

"SILENCE!" I snarl at him wanting to rip that smug expression right of his smarmy little face.

I hear Granger gasp and clutch Potter, which makes me rage even more.

"POTTER GET OUT OF MY SIGHT RIGHT NOW!" I spit

He looks at Granger with an apologetic face before sprinting back to the Great Hall.

I stand there seething, trying to calm myself down before I go and do something stupid.

Potter. Fucking Harry Potter.

I close my eyes and try to block out the memories of all those times I had been alone with Lily, and that filthy James Potter would come over and steal her away from me, teasing me just to make himself look like a man in front of her.

I hear her sniff and open my eyes to look at her.

She stares down at the marble floor, a tear rolling down her cheek.

I put my hand to my forehead turning away from her and bite my lip

"Miss Granger I think its best you retire to the Great Hall too" I eventually tell her, still facing away from her.

My thoughts are flying around my head, I feel so confused as to what is happening right now to me.

She is my student, the most irritating know-it-all who now apparently dates arrogant pricks like Potter.

"Sir…I'm sorry for just now, I don't know what came over me, and sorry if it offended you I must have just got caught in the moment"

I whirl round and slam my palm against the pillar next to me

"Silence" I hiss at her, she steps away from me as if uncertain of what I was going to do next.

"I'm _sorry_" she pleads to me, her brown eyes round.

"I don't want to hear it Her-" I quickly stop myself, realising my mistake.

_Since when did you call Granger, Hermione? You really need to get a grip Severus._

She gasps and I close my mouth quickly, and turn away from her again, leaning against the pillar.

I hear her step forward, her heels clicking on the floor

"Sir?"

"Just leave now" I sigh to her resigned.

I watch as she walks away from me, her hips swaying and I want to reach out and touch her.

"Miss Granger" I find myself calling to her as she approaches the open doors.

She turns round to face me, her face full of curiosity and sadness.

"You can do better than a Potter" I mummer

To say those words again, send me hurtling back to the past, to when Lily, sweet precious Lily told me excitedly she was going to be that toe rag James Potter date to the Spring Ball.

"_Severus! Sev! He asked me!" Lily comes bounding over to me, cheeks rosy and a face full of glee, her ginger hair shimmering in the sun._

_I look back down at my book that is currently resting on my knees, my stomach nervous with butterflies, hoping so hard that this isn't anything to do with that awful James 'Arrogance' Potter. _

_It had started a couple of months ago when Lily was separated from me to pair up with that creep in transfiguration. Lily hated him venomously too; we often shared times together plotting revenge against him. But then as the weeks went on Lily started to berate me for talking about him, telling me that he was a nice misunderstood guy underneath it all really, and that I should make an effort to be friends with him. I had never heard anything so absurd, me and Potter be friends? How could I be friends with someone as arrogant and disgusting as him? James Potter had never made an attempt to be friends with me, oh no Saint Potter was too busy cursing me and making my life a nightmare. Then Lily started to bring him to our secret meetings at night, our Hogsmeade trips, our study place in the library, our cosy spot underneath the old oak tree. I couldn't believe what was happening, they insisted that they were just friends but I couldn't help but feel that Lily wanted something more from their friendship. Suddenly I felt like the outsider and now it is rare to have a moment of it being just me and her._

_She dumps her bag and flops down beside me, leaning her pretty face on my arm. _

"_Heyyy" she smiles up to me and my heart pounds for her, I return her smile and wish she could know exactly how much I love her._

"_You'll never believe what happened just now!" she gushes._

_I look down to my book and cross my fingers, praying that this news doesn't involve Potter. _

"_James asked me to the Spring Ball! I really cannot believe he asked me!" I can see her grinning out of the corner of my eye._

_I try not to tear my book into a million pieces, to track down where Potter was and curse the soul out of him. _

"_Hey, are you listening?" _

_She takes the book from me and moves to sit in front of my legs. _

_I look away from her still, not knowing what to say, my mouth going dry. _

_I know I have to tell her right now that I love her so much, so much more than Potter ever could._

_But I just can't, I feel so full of doubt. _

_What if she laughs at me?_

"_Sev" She says softly putting her hands on my knees "What's wrong?"_

_She strokes a strand of my hair and I look at her, she is smiling at me, her face so radiant I just want to kiss her. _

_I can hear my whole body telling me just to do it, to kiss her, to her that I love her. _

_I shrug off the voice of doubt and lean forward and onto my knees. _

"_Lily I want to say something to you" my mouth is so dry it's a wonder the words came out audible. _

_She looks at me with a slight confusion but doesn't move away. _

_The voice in my heard urges me on, to just do it. _

_With shaking hands I reach up and cup her face, I stare into her beautiful green eyes._

"_Lily" I take a deep breath "I love you" _

_With that I bring my lips down to hers, and the feeling is so blissful, the feeling of her smooth soft lips against mine, I can feel electricity surging through me but in a snatch it is all gone._

"_Severus? What's going on?" Lily has drawn back from me, her face surprised. _

_I can feel the excitement from the kiss seep from me, sadness washes over me as I look at her face._

_I look away from her, clutching a fist full of grass, ripping it from the earth before letting the strands fall back down._

"_Severus?" I can hear the uncertainty in her voice_

_My thoughts are so muddled, what do I tell her? _

_She must not feel the same; otherwise we would still be kissing right now, passion taking possession of both of our hearts. _

_Although she is still sat here waiting for me to reply, at least she hasn't run off screaming in mortification. _

_I chance a glance up at her and see she is staring at me intently, although there is sadness in her penetrating green eyes and my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. _

"_Lily" I start but stop and look back down_

_I feel her hand on my chin, bringing it up to face her, her eyes searching mine._

_I feel my heart begin to rise, maybe I was wrong? Maybe she does feel the same?_

"_Oh Severus" She says to me softly and I feel my love for her surge through me once more "I don't know what to say, I love you" She pauses, I feel like I'm soaring through the sky "As a friend" She adds and I find myself hurtling down to the ground._

_I feel like something has been ripped out of my chest_

"_I'm sorry I don't feel the same, but I'm always here for you. I love being friends with you" _

_I can't look at her._

_I feel as if everything is crumbling around me._

_She chose Potter over me, arrogant, sadistic, show off Potter._

_Anger starts coursing through me at the thought of being second best to egotistic James Potter._

_I stand up, towering over Lily. _

_I look down at her, and she is looking up at me with a pleading face_

"_Please Severus don't go off and do anything stupid, can't we just sit here and hang out?"_

_I can feel the anger ebb away slightly at her _

"_Just stay, please" _

_I stare into her eyes; there is an earnest expression on her face. _

_My heart melts when she smiles at me and I feel my own lips start to turn up slightly. _

_She grabs hold of my hand and pulls me, I fall clumsily to the ground and she laughs at me. _

"_I'm glad you decided to stay" she says whilst throwing blades of grass at my face_

"_Hey!" I exclaim throwing a fist full back at her _

_I try to ignore the sadness and disappointment that is simmering underneath the surface. _

_I can't help but hope that this infatuation with Potter will be finished before I know it; after all I can't see it taking long before his true idiotic colours start to appear. _

"_So have you done Flitwicks homework?" I ask her, trying to keep the conversation away from the embarrassment of what just happened and Potter_

"_Damn! I was meant to do it yesterday but I got distracted, James has a free period with me then too, and he was talking about this upcoming quidditch match" _

_I breathe in angrily_

_Since when did Lily care more about quidditch than Charms? _

"_That's nice" I manage to bite out, scowling down at the grass. _

"_Oh speaking of James" _

_I look up and see him swaggering towards us as if he owns the place _

_I stand up and grab my bag. _

_I look over at Lily and see that there is two pink spots on her cheeks, she looks over to me and a sad expression comes over her face._

"_Severus please stay" she pleads_

_I feel myself waver slightly _

"_I meant to tell you before James came over, but I was thinking perhaps we could start hanging around with James friends now, you know Sirius, Remus and Peter, they're really good fun once you get to know them" _

_Anger surges through me_

_She must be joking? _

_Hang around with those juvenile immature prats? _

"_No Lily, I don't want to, they're bunch stupid little brats that don't even deserve a place at this school. They're a disgrace to wizardry" I spit at her_

_Her face is crestfallen and my heart sinks, her copper hair falling across her face._

"_Lily…" I start towards her, but she looks up at me with such a defiant expression on her face I step back._

"_I don't care Severus, I'm hanging out with them, they're my friends now so you're either coming or you're not" _

_I can't believe she is saying this, I love her so much but there is no way I'm hanging around with these people. _

"_You've changed Lily" I say softly_

"_And? We all change Severus, maybe it's about time you did too" she spits at me_

_I open my mouth to try and get some sense into her increasingly stupid head, but decide to close it. _

_There is no good, it's pretty obvious that she is choosing them over me. _

_I look down at her and she is staring at me with anger blazing in her eyes._

"_You can do better than a Potter Lily" I say before turning my back on her, and making my way to the castle, ignoring Potter's triumphant expression on the way. _

I open my eyes, swallowing the lump in my throat.

It's been a long time since I have thought about Lily.

Sweet dear Lily

"Sir?" I realise that Granger is still standing at the door, wearing a concerned expression on her face.

"Just go in" I snap at her

She shoots me an angry glare before slipping into the Great Hall.

I put my hand to my forehead, trying to compose myself.

Thinking of Lily again has brought up a mixture of emotions that I rather stayed buried.

That day was the start of it all; the day Lily started slipping away from me.

I reach into my robe pockets and pull out the bottle of vodka I confiscated earlier.

I'm tempted to take a swig of it, to steady my nerves, but decide against it after all what good would it achieve?

"I thought I would find you skulking about out here"

I look up and see Albus standing by the door, with a small smile on his lips.

"Albus" I say curtly

"Not planning on drinking that were you?" He nods down to the vodka in my hand

"No" I turn the bottle over in my hands. "No I wasn't" I pocket the bottle once again and wait patiently for Albus to leave.

"Come on Severus, you can't stay out here all evening"

I roll my eyes

"Actually Albus I was going to head back to my quarters where a good book and nice glass of firewhiskey waits"

He shakes his head at me

"You're not getting away that easily, now come on, stop sulking before I force you to dance with Sybill"

I shudder

"I'm fine by myself thank y- -" he holds up his hands cutting me off

"Severus I'll hear no more protest from you, now come with me and sample some of this delicious crab cake, you really must try it"

I feel an invisible hand push me towards his direction and I grind my teeth together.

I do not appreciate being treated like a child.

Meddling old fool.

He leads me back into the Great Hall and I scowl round at anyone who dares to look at me.

A group of sixth year boys stand to my left taking turns to push each other into two gawky first years.

I roll my eyes at the situation and eventually glide over to the group in order to reprimand them.

The boys mumble false apologies and promises, before drifting off to stand by some third year girls.

I decide just to turn a blind eye and go seek some food in this circus of animals.

I push through the crowds yet again until I find an elf serving some canapés and greedily hurry them into my mouth.

I see Narcissa in the corner chatting away to some rich but rather uncomfortable looking man.

I quickly look away when she moves her head to my direction.

_Please don't notice me_

_Please don't notice me_

_Please do—_

"Severus! It's good to see you've taken some time away from your darling potions this evening to join us" I hear a sarcastic voice call from behind me

I turn round to see Minerva standing there giving me a superior looking smirk

"Minerva" I curtly nod my head, shooting her an icy glare.

"So the castle bat has left the dungeons" she teases, her hat falling to the side

"It appears so" I say gravely, taking note of her tipsiness.

"Come on Severus, you of all people should take a night off already and let your hair down" she giggles and stumbles slightly, the contents of her glass sloshing slightly over the side.

I struggle to pull my lips back to form some sort of smile.

She starts to slur something else, but I'm distracted by the sight of Potter and Granger in the far corner.

Anger bubbles in the pit of my stomach as I watch Potter feed what appears to be strawberry's to her.

She seductively runs her lips across the fruit, not breaking eye contact with Potter.

I clench my fists as I look at the lustful expressions plastered over their faces.

"Excuse me Minerva" I interrupt, not being able to stand watching the happy couple for any longer "I have to attend to something".

I somehow manage to patiently wait for her reply, using sheer strength and willpower to not keep watching Potter and Granger whilst she slurs out one last tiresome joke about me.

I give her a short nod, to signal my goodbye and storm my way over to the little lovebirds.

In my haste I end up knocking over a messy haired boy, he falls to the floor at my feet.

I recognise him as being Joseph Barkwood, a brattish and dense third year.

I tower over him and snarl

"Get up you stupid boy"

He hastily gets to his feet mumbling something along the lines of me being a greasy haired git.

"What was that Barkwood?" I sneer, anger pulsing through my veins.

"Nothing" He shrugs at me

I narrow my eyes at him

"Nothing _Sir_" I correct him "And if I hear one more word from you tonight, you'll be in detention with me for a month" I mummer

He nods at me, his hands in his pockets.

"Do I make myself clear?" I threaten

"Yes Sir"

I sweep him out of the way and press on towards the corner where Potter is now feeding Granger cherries.

I draw closer and watch in anger and amazement as she takes the cherry into her mouth and sucks it seductively off the stalk, Potter's face is covered in lustful appreciation.

"Is Miss Granger incapable of feeding herself Potter?" I sneer at him, putting my hands on my hips.

He turns around scowling, clearly pissed off at my presence.

I bite back a small victorious smile.

"30 points _each _from Gryffindor for yet another disgusting display of inappropriate behaviour"

I see Granger open her mouth, as if to protest but she quickly shuts it, looking embarrassed.

"Dear dear, looks like Gryffindor is rapidly running out of house points tonight, it is _fascinating _how you two can be so stupid as to gamble away some more, then again Gryffindor has never really prided itself on its intellect, clearly proven by Longbottom's presence in your house" I smirk

"Well maybe if you stopped being a fucking freak and left us alone, we wouldn't be losing any house points! I fail to see what me and Hermione have actually done wrong tonight."

The insolent brat raises an eyebrow at me, and grabs Grangers arm.

"Come on Hermione lets go"

My blood boils to dangerous levels, in just a second I've torn Potter away from her and have him pinned against the wall.

"Harry!" I hear Granger cry, but I take no notice.

There is no way I'm letting cheek like that slide from anyone, far less than from a Potter.

"You really should watch what you say to a teacher Potter, because one day, one might just snap and that over inflated ego of yours will be gone _forever_" My voice is low and deadly, laying emphasis on the last word.

"I'm not scared of you Snape. I never have been and I never will be" He says definitely

I resist all temptation to smack his head against the stone wall.

"You pretend to be brave Potter, but you're nothing more than an arrogant toe rag, just like your father, be very careful you don't end up the same way"

I let go of him, and turn my attention to Granger who is wide eyed watching the whole scene.

"And you're nothing more than an overgrown bully"

I turn back to Potter.

"Oh it looks like Gryffindor are just _dying_ to lose their housepoints today." I smirk at Potter's mouth open in rage "10 points for disrespect to a teacher."

I lick my lips taking in his clenched fists and shoot him another smirk.

"Congratulations Potter, I think this is a new record for the amount of housepoints lost in one night for just one house. Your father _would_ be proud." I drawl

To my utter glee, he steps towards me, anger contorting his features.

"Don't ever talk about my father as if you know him" he hisses at me

I hear Granger whimper to the left of me

"My father was a great man and you are nothing but a coward"

"Is that so? Is that what our darling celebrity saint has grown up to believe?" I snarl

I step closer to Potter and lower my voice

"Your father was nothing but a tyrant and a bully, and you Potter are nothing more"

I watch as Potter steps away, memories flooding back, no doubt from our disastrous and pained oclumency lessons last summer.

"Oh the truth just does _hurt_, doesn't it?" I smirk again.

"Professor"

I turn to look at Granger; she is staring up at me with round eyes, her bottom lip trembling.

"I apologise again for our behaviour" she says quietly, avoiding eye contact, her hands clasped humbly.

I try to hide a smirk coming to my lips as I see Potter out of the corner of my eye glaring at her.

"Well Miss Granger, I am deeply surprised at _your_ foolish behaviour tonight. I thought you had more sense"

_And taste_

I have to bite my tongue from uttering the last bit

I see a blush rise to her cheeks as she chances a glance at me

I raise an eyebrow at her, and turn back to Potter who is still shooting a glare at Granger.

"Perhaps there is something Mr Potter would care to add?" I smirk

"I have nothing to say to you Snape" he spits at me before storming off.

I grit my teeth together; my hand instinctively going to my wand, the temptation of cursing the little arrogant shit is too great.

_Calm down Severus, he's not worth it. _

The voice of reasoning is right; Potter certainly isn't worth losing my job over.

I move my hand away from my robe pocket, realising Granger is still standing there.

"I see the delightful Mr Potter has abandoned his date" I mock

She bites her lip, still not looking at me

"Oh why the sudden shyness Miss Granger? I've never seen you so quiet, not that I'm complaining"

I tilt my head to one side looking at her, she eventually looks up at me, straight into my eyes.

"You shouldn't tease Harry" she mumbles

What?

I shouldn't tease her precious Potter?

I seethe at her for wanting to protect him

"And why is that then Miss Granger, because it will hurt his feelings?" I snap

"He's going through a lot ok!" She snaps back "I know he will never admit it, but it upsets him when you talk about his father that way, why do you have to be so disrespectful?"

She shakes her head at me.

"The poor little lamb" I roll my eyes at her, anger surging through me

She glares at me before looking away

"Well Miss Granger, you've certainly changed your tune from your little apology just now" I narrow my eyes at her

She doesn't look at me, just shakes her head with the same type of arrogance like her darling little boyfriend.

The anger breaks through this little dam I've constructed, her wanting to stand up for Potter, their little seductive show, them kissing.

I clench my fists

"10 points for lies to a teacher" I hiss at her

That makes her look at me, her mouth open in a perfect O shape.

"But…" she starts

"I don't want to hear it" I snarl at her, resisting the urge to make her regret ever laying eyes on Potter.

"I can't believe someone can be so pathetic" she spits at me

She clamps her hand over her mouth, in realisation of what she just said, her eyes wide.

She slowly backs away, hands still covering her mouth.

I glare at her, short and sharp words are flying around my head, but I feel a tug from the past.

Lily pushing me, tears in her eyes, anger contorting her beautiful features.

I close my eyes, wanting to block out the past, not wanting to remember…

_It's Spring, everything feels brand new and the feeling of hope is in the air._

_I look at myself in the mirror, trying to smile at my dowdy appearance. _

_I'm wearing black and emerald green dress robes, the same green as Lily's eyes. _

_I brought them about a month ago, and liked them but now they feel and look too big, making me feel like some sort of overgrown bat._

_I hope no-one notices, especially Lily._

_I get butterflies thinking about how beautiful she is going to look tonight; she wouldn't show anyone her dress, telling everyone it's a surprise. _

_Looking at the clock in my dorm, I notice that it's best that I get moving. _

_I've arranged to meet Lily and them outside the great hall. _

_I grind my teeth together, wishing that it was just Lily and me, I refuse to think about Lily and her poor excuse of a date. _

_I just hope Lily finally realises his true colours tonight, he can't keep up this perfect gentleman act around her forever. _

_I head out of the dorm, avoiding eye contact with everyone, not wanting to see their smirks._

_My palms get sweaty as I make my way towards the entrance hall, I take deep breaths trying to calm my nerves._

_I see Potter and his friends at the bottom of the staircase, pushing each other about and laughing at what others are wearing._

_I clench my fists, wishing I could curse them till their blood turned dry._

_I walk over to them slowly, praying Lily won't be too long._

"_Oh look what we have here it's Snivellus" Potter's mocking voice reaches my ears_

_I shoot them all a death glare_

"_Are you sure it's Snivellus James? Looks more like an overgrown bat to me" Black taunts_

_Their two little hangers on Lupin and Pettigrew laugh at me. _

_I pull out my wand _

"_Say that again Black and I'll make your dick disappear" I hiss _

"_I guess you would know all about not having one, wouldn't you Snivellus?" _

_James comes over, his wand drawn too, his usual arrogant expression plastered all over his face. _

"_Wow Lily"_

_Lupin's voice distracts us all, and we all turn around to watch Lily walk down the staircase. _

_She walks down slowly and elegantly, a soft blush on her cheeks, she looks perfect. _

_Her dress is two toned, with a rich blue and green. Her hair is loose, with soft curls. _

_A sigh escapes my lips, I'm mesmerised by her. _

_Her eyes meet mine and she smiles a soft smile. _

_I find my own lips curling up to return the smile, she keeps staring at me for what seems like minutes, but all is ruined when James shoves past me, breaking my eye contact._

_I notice he has discreetly put his wand back in his robes; after all he doesn't want to ruin his perfect gentleman act. _

_I resist the urge to snort and watch in disgust as he takes Lily's hand and kisses her gently. _

"_You look beautiful Lily; I have never seen anyone more beautiful than the way you look right now"_

"_Oh James" she simpers, smiling in delight at his compliment, which was no doubt inherited from his womanizer of a father. _

_I roll my eyes, thinking of how I would give anything to push that drivelling tosser out of the way, and show Lily a true compliment from a true man._

"_I have something for you" _

_Potter's voice breaks me out of my fantasy, and I can only watch in horror as he brings out a small velvet box. _

_Please don't be a ring I silently beg, my heart pounding in my head._

_I wouldn't put it past him, some fancy ring for Lily, something which I would never be able to afford to give her._

_If only we could all come from money Potter, I think bitterly._

_I know money isn't everything of course, but why would Lily ever look twice at me if Potter buy's her some goddam expensive ring that she will no doubt love and cherish forever. _

_He opens the box for her and gets down on one knee_

_I am literally seething, what the fuck is going on? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON?_

"_I know it's not much but I want to show you how committed I am to you Lily. You're smart, gorgeous, just incredible, and I really like you. So this is just a little something to show how much I want to be with you and how much I want our relationship to work". _

_I clench my fists in sheer anger, surprised I haven't penetrated my skin yet. _

_Lily can't actually be believing this pretentious bullshit? _

_But I look at her and she is staring at Potter like he is bloody God or something. Her mouth is parted slightly, her eyes wide and there is a blush spread across her cheeks. _

_He takes the ring out of the box and places it on her right ring finger. _

"_Will you be my girlfriend Lily Evans?"_

_The blood rushes in my ears, I want to smack Potters ugly head against the marble pillar, till there is nothing left but bloods and pieces of brain._

_But I don't_

_I just stand there hoping, hoping Lily has sense and turns him down._

"_Of course I would James" _

_My heart feels like it has been suddenly ripped out of my chest by Lily's own hands, then thrown on the stone floor beneath my feet._

_Of course she would say yes to Potter, why wouldn't she? _

_Why would she ever want someone like me?_

_Especially when Potter can give her everything she wants._

_I sigh feeling resigned, the aching in my chest still there._

_Potter gets up off his knees a big grin all over his face, the trademark cheeky smile that every girl in this stupid castle seems to swoon for. _

_I just think it makes him look like an ugly arrogant abomination to this this planet. _

_I have to close my eyes as he goes to kiss her on the lips._

_I swallow the lump in my throat and ignore the aching where my heart should be. _

"_Well I think it's best we head in now" _

_I open my eyes to see Lupin speaking, gesturing to the Great Hall. _

"_Yeah I think so, what do you think Miss Evans?" James put's his arm around her shoulder._

"_Just a minute I want to freshen up" She beams at James "You lot can go in without me, it will only take a second"._

"_Ok then babe" He kisses the top of her forehead._

_I yet again resist the urge to curse the shit out of him._

_How dare he call Lily 'Babe', like she is some sort of fucking pig. _

_But unsurprisingly Lily doesn't seem to notice and gracefully walks off to the ladies bathroom and Potter and co start to walk towards the Great Hall._

"_Aright James" I hear Pettigrew cheer_

"_Congratulations Prongs" Lupin gives him a small punch on the shoulder_

"_You're in there mate" Black gives him a hi-five and they bump chests as some lame male ego gesture. _

_They take no notice of me for once; just leave me standing there in disgust. _

_Arrogant pricks._

_I was hoping they would start on me, so I would have an excuse to curse Potter to death. _

_I decide to wait for Lily to get back, even though right now I don't think I can bear to look at her. _

_How could she fall for a Potter?_

_How can she not see his arrogance?_

_How can she not see through this facade? _

_I know it's cruel of me to wish this, but I pray Potter treats her like shit and let his true colours shine before ditching her for the next one._

_Lily needs to know what he is like, and maybe then will she finally realise what she has right in front of her, someone who actually loves and cares deeply for her. _

"_Severus?"_

_I turn around and Lily is standing there smiling at me._

_I swallow, thoughts rushing around my head. _

_There is so many things I want to say to her but I just don't know how to. _

"_I can't believe what James got me!" Lily gushes walking over to me_

_I can't look at her so just simply stare down at my feet._

"_Look Sev, isn't it gorgeous?"_

_I raise my head slowly at her outstretched hand; the ring suits her perfectly of course._

_It's a dainty silver ring with a small but not too small emerald in the centre, matching the colour of her beautiful eyes._

_I make a small noise in agreement, finding my voice trapped in my throat._

_I don't want to talk about Lily and Potter, let alone the stupid gift._

"_I just wasn't expecting him to do such a wonderful thing" Lily carries on blissfully unaware of my feelings. "Like when he got down on one knee, I thought I was going to faint, seriously Sev, you don't want to know what was going through my mind" she giggles. "And now he's asked me to be his girlfriend, James Potter wants me to be his girlfriend!" she exclaims, her voice giddy with happiness._

_I find myself giving a small nod when she pauses, hoping she will take notice of the pain in my face. _

_I wish she would just shut up talking about stupid Potter, to realise that I'm the man she needs, and that I could be so much more than Potter ever could._

_Anger starts to burn inside me as she carries on _

"_I mean did you hear the stuff he said to me? The bit about how he has never seen anyone more beautiful than the way I look right now!" _

_I grit my teeth, the anger increasing its burn._

"_Then there was all that stuff about proving how committed he is to me" she twists the ring around her finger._

_I want to rip that goddam ring off her finger._

"_Did you hear when he called me gorgeous and incredible as well? I just can't believe James can be so sweet, that I ever had doubts about him! I really don't understand why you have such a problem with him Sev"._

_That's it_

_I feel myself exploding_

"_HOW CAN YOU BE SO FUCKING STUPID LILY? HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU; HE'S JUST SAYING THOSE THINGS SO YOU'LL SPREAD YOUR LEGS LIKE THE REST!" I scream at her, eyes wide in anger._

_I see the hurt in her eyes but I just can't stop_

"_HE'LL GET RID OF YOU LILY ONCE YOU GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS. YOU'RE JUST A GAME TO HIM, NOTHING MORE THAN AN OBJECT! DID YOU SERIOUSLY THINK HE MEANT WHAT HE SAID?" I snort, a snarl twisting from the corner of my upper lip. _

_Her mouth opens, anger is in her eyes._

"_So that's what you really think is it Severus? That I'm stupid? That all the things James said was just a lie? That I'm just an object?"_

_I bite my lip_

"_Of course not Lily, you know I think you're gorgeous and smart. You're not an object, but you know what Potter is like, he's always got a new girlfriend every other week!"_

"_Those are just rumours Severus, James Potter is a gentleman, and I thought you knew better than to listen to stories". _

"_Come on Lily, he is just using you to get what he wants!" _

"_Maybe that's all you care about Severus, but I know James isn't like that for a second!"_

_I feel my eyes pop open at her accusation._

"_You think sex is all I care about? What the fuck Lily? Who is the arrogant prick who always has a new trophy on his arm? Oh wait your new boyfriend" I sneer. _

"_You know nothing about him" she spits at me._

_I snort, curling my fist in anger._

"_Really? I'm not the complete retard who is too stubborn to believe that her 'boyfriend' is just after one thing, although maybe the reason why you don't care is because you're both after the same thing, making you a filthy slut too" I spit back at her._

_She blinks at me_

_I take a step back, shocked that I actually said that._

"_Lily…"_

_She tries to step past me but I block her way_

_She looks up at me, tears in her eyes._

"_Lily I'm sorry, you know I didn't mean that"_

"_Get out of my way" she seethes, a tear rolling down her check_

_I grab her by the arms to stop her escaping._

_I can't let her go _

_I can't let her be mad at me_

"_GET OFF ME" she screeches_

"_Lily please!" I say worriedly. "You know I never meant that, I don't know what came over me, I just care about you so much. I don't want you to get hurt!" I garble. _

_She tries to get out my grip_

"_Please Lily, I'm so sorry" I plead_

_She pushes me hard out of the way, anger all over her face but tears still in her eyes._

"_I can't believe someone can be so pathetic" she spits at me before storming away from me._

"_Lily" I desperately call _

_It falls on deaf ears, she enters the Great Hall without looking back, leaving me standing there, dishevelled with worry written all over my face. _

I open my eyes and let out a long sigh

I hate dragging up memories from the past, especially when they concern Lily and James Toe-rag Potter.

I unclench my fist, not realising that it had been like this the entire time.

I had never seen Lily so angry before that night, never seen her so upset.

I shake my head to rid myself of these memories and quickly scourer the room to make sure no-one is watching me.

Luckily everyone seems to be wrapped up in their own little bubble, blissfully unaware of my flashback to the past.

Much to my annoyance I can't see Potter and Granger anywhere. I want to teach Potter a lesson, to show the little shit that he can't disrespect me without consequences.

_Maybe they've retired to Potter's dorm..._

I clench my fist again at the thought, resisting the urge to charge straight up to the Gryffindor common room and curse Potter into oblivion.

I sigh again, trying to calm myself down.

Why am I being like this?

I know I hate Potter with a passion, but why so I suddenly care about the Gryffidnor know-it-all?

I usually cannot stand the girl, finding her constant interruptions tedious.

Yet I can't help but think of how she has blossomed into quite an attractive woman, her hair no longer a bushy mane, her buck teeth now straight and almost perfect, the soft curves of her hips, the way she sits in class gently biting her lip when she's concentrating, the passion and intellect she has for potions, her breasts in her delicate dress...

Right that's it I need another drink

I spin around and avoid eye contact, mostly because of not wanting to talk to anyone but there is an underlying sense of guilt, the guilt from my thoughts just now about Granger.

I hurry up to an elf and grab another glass wine, trying to block out my thoughts.

I spot Lucius talking to the Goyles and quickly move away.

My thoughts drift back to my conversation earlier with Narcissa, wondering what business Lucius wants with me? Of course no doubt it will be some awful mission for the Dark Lord or some stupid prove your loyalty test to the insecure bastard. Some days I wish I had a normal life, one where I wasn't forced to do anything. I could just stay out of danger and not find myself constantly lying, to not live in fear of that one day the Dark Lord will find out the truth about where my loyalties really lie, to not be forced by Dumbledore to spy, to not kill and rape innocent people. I shake my head in disgust and look down at the wine in my hands. "And now ladies and gentleman I would like to formally start this wonderful ball this evening by opening with a dance lead by the prefects from each house, feel free to join in at any point" Dumbledore's voice interrupts me from my brooding. I look up and inwardly groan I forgot about that bloody dance.

Couples enter in a line, one by one through the Great Hall.

Smiles plastered all over their faces, walking gracefully towards the floor as people gather round the room in a big circle.

I find myself being pushed forward by people rushing to see, whose is wearing what and who is shagging who for the night.

I roll my eyes as I watch a first year get pushed into the circle by his peers.

"Couldn't they have kept some of these animals locked up for the night?" A voice in my ear mummers "I have a spare cage in my basement I would have happily donated".

"Good evening again Lucius" I say curtly, keeping my eyes on the next couple to emerge into the great hall.

"I see Dumbledore is looking as well as ever" He snorts making reference to the cursed hand the old man now sports. "Won't be long to his overdue downfall, maybe you should become headmaster Severus?" He eyes up a fifth year next to me, her breasts practically spilling out of her dress "I'm sure you can enforce some sort of punishment and rewards system"

I feel the heat rising to my cheeks slightly and summon the inner death eater within me

"Wont those be the days" I smirk, ignoring the disgusting feeling at the pit of my stomach.

"You know I might just have to come and join you, I quite fancy myself being a teacher, all that power you have, all those desperate students willing to sleep with you because of their hormones"

I sneak a glance at him and watch as he smugly takes a sip of his wine.

I resist the urge to smash the glass into his face and just smile at him when he catches me looking.

"Well well well, looks like our favorite mudblood has just stepped into the room. I didn't even have to look at her; I could just smell her filthy blood"

I clench my fist and look over to see Granger and Potter walking into the room with linked arms.

I force myself to keep calm and not to give anything away.

"Oh and the dark lord's favorite, Harry Potter. I wonder if I could kill them both right now if I just got out my wand and cast the good old Advada Kedarva in their direction?" He says in my ear.

"Perhaps not very wise Lucius, what with Dumbledore within ten feet. I don't think he would take too kindly to you murdering his favorite little couple now would he" I try to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

"Dear dear Severus that's not a hint of jealousy I detect is it?" He mummers, I can see him smirking out of the corner of my eye.

"No of course not, why would I go for a mudblood bitch like her? I wouldn't even entertain the idea" I say in my best disgusted voice

Lucius snickers

"Well I wouldn't say no if the opportunity arose… I need a new pet to play with"

I feel anger pulse through me and resist the urge to curse him to his very depths

I breathe out slowly before opening my mouth to let out a fake laugh

"I mean look at her Severus, look at those breasts are you telling me you wouldn't want to suck on one of them? I bet she would be willing to do anything in the bedroom, well not before putting up a good fight, which is all part of the fun and games" I can hear the lust in his voice which causes the anger within me to strengthen.

"I can't honestly see the attraction" I say through gritted teeth, my hand is clenched tightly around my glass.

"I tell you Severus that is one mudblood bitch I would love to teach a lesson. I'm sure you wouldn't be able to say no if she was offering it to you after class one day in her perky little uniform, short skirt barely covering her ass" He chuckles.

A fourth year girl turns around and shoots Lucius and me a strange look

I shoot her my most superior scowl and she looks away hurriedly. I hope to Merlin's beard she hasn't heard us.

"I think it's best if we terminate this conversation right now, we don't want people over hearing do we?"

Lucius looks at me and shoots me a smirk before winking

"What business do you wish to discuss with me anyway?" I say a tad impatient

"Oh I see, we can't discuss student's we would like to fuck here but it's perfectly acceptable to talk about the Dark Lord's business, Severus you do surprise me"

I roll my eyes although I know he has a point, this wouldn't be the best place.

"Is it urgent?" I ask quietly

"Let's just say the Dark Lord has a new plan soon as a way of getting to…" He inclines his head towards Potter who is now standing on the floor with one arm wrapped around Grangers waist and the other holding her hand waiting for the dance to start. "We cannot discuss this here of course, but he has intrusted me with letting you know. There will be a meeting soon to plan"

I take note of this information and make sure to tell Dumbledore as soon as this bloody ball is over.

"Thank you Lucius" I say curtly

I hoped he would re-join his _dear _wife but he annoyingly stays glued to my side.

The band starts up and I am forced to watch couples prattle about on the dance floor; I smirk at the nervousness in their eyes, not wanting to mess up in front of the entire school and guests.

Thank God that bumbling idiot Longbottom was never made a prefect, although it would provide some entertainment for the evening.

"Look at Draco's date, quite something isn't she?" Lucius says into my ears "That's someone else I wouldn't mind a little alone time with" He laughs dirtily

I try not to look at him appalled, and shoot him a small smirk.

"I wonder who you would choose if I was to offer you any pick of the girls on that dance floor right now?"

I grit my teeth, pissed off that we are still on the subject of 'Students We Would Like To Fuck!'

"What about her over there, the one in the pink" He nods his head over in the direction of Abigail Walters, who is dancing with her seventh year date. "You've always had a thing for red heads haven't you?"

He looks at me with a penetrating stare, a smirk forming on his lips.

I swallow the lump in my throat knowing that he is hinting about Lily

I pray for forgiveness before I open my mouth and mutter "That was before I found out that she was a mudblood bitch".

I try to stay calm and remain detached from any emotions stirring from the memory of Lily.

Lucius chuckles

"Indeed my friend. Who would want to contaminate their purity with some filthy muggle pretending to be a witch?" He pauses and licks his lips "Although as I said I wouldn't mind a bit of one to one time with Granger. I could certainly teach the little bitch some lessons on respecting those above her in quite an inventive way" He chuckles again

Lucius is out to work my last nerve today; I keep my face impartial and focus on the dance

"I think I better get back to Narcissa, the poor thing gets lonely when I'm not there"

I bite the inside of my cheek to stop any emotion showing and bid him farewell.

I'm so glad Lucius has finally left me alone; I couldn't bare another minute of tedious remarks.

I take a sip of wine and look over at where Granger and Potter are dancing.

She dances so gracefully and I almost catch myself smiling watching her.

I cough and go back to frowning before shifting my gaze to Potter.

Much to my amusement Potter seems to be struggling and is looking extremely worked up.

The poor little lamb

I feel like ripping him out of Grangers hold and showing her how a real man can dance.

I wouldn't be surprised if he has been steeping on her feet all evening.

Amateur

I roll my eyes as he loses step with her, and smirk when I see her impatient expression.

In my head I have this vision of me being the one twirling her around the floor, lifting her beautiful body up into the air, a dreamy smile all over her face.

_Get a grip_

I don't know what is wrong with me tonight, one minute I can't stand this annoying know it all, the next I'm pining over her like a schoolboy.

She does look so beautiful though…

"Feel like joining in Severus?"

I jump and turn my eyes to Dumbledore who is standing next to me with a mischievous smile on his face.

"No I do not Albus" I snap, pissed off at both his suggestion and revoking me from my thoughts.

"Oh come on Severus, you can't be sour all evening!" He laughs at me

"I can be what I damn well please Albus, you will not be getting me on that sodding dance floor" I snarl

"I bet you wouldn't be saying that if you had a pretty date on your arm this evening"

I look at him sharply, looking for any indication that he knows what I've been thinking.

I try to suppress the worry within me, as he shoots me a smile, nothing displayed on his features shows that he has read my mind.

I decide not to answer him and just take another sip of wine

"I hope to see you dancing at some point Severus; it does us good sometimes to just let ourselves go. I'm sure you of all people have a lot of tension to shred" He raises an eyebrow at me.

I look away not wanting to be roped into anything, I wouldn't put it past him to be expecting me to dance with Minerva .

"I remember when you was just a boy Severus, you were out there on the dance floor with a young Lily Potter, quite the little dancing couple you made"

I seethe and clench my fist.

"It wasn't quite like that" I snort to myself, bitterness coating every syllable.

I can feel Dumbledore's gaze on me but I still refuse to look at him.

I know the memory he's on about

That night again

I wanted to dance with Lily so badly and was fed up pining for her on the side-lines.

"Everyone said you made a perfect couple" Dumbledore's voice interrupts my thoughts

The anger pulsates through me

"Excuse me Albus" I say through my clenched teeth

I push through the crowd

I hear people moan and swear at me

For once I don't care; I just had to get away from there.

I slam my glass of wine down on a tray and don't even bother to take another.

I just want to sit down and clear my head

Why are all these emotions stirring up within me?

I make my way to a concealed spot at the back of the hall and sit down

I put my face in my hands

That night haunts me

I wish I never danced with Lily

I say danced, like she had some sort of free will over the matter

I let out a groan and the memory comes crashing down upon me

"_Ladies and gentleman put your hands together for this year's outstanding prefects who will be opening the dance tonight" Dumbledore's voice booms over the cheers._

_I strain my neck forward to watch as the couples come into the room_

_I instantly spot Lily on Potters arm. _

_I grit my teeth together_

_They start to dance in perfect rhythm, but there is something missing. _

_The spark_

_The dance is supposed to be passionate between the two lovers._

_I wish it was me on Lily's arm, even if she probably hates me right now for what I said earlier about her and Potter's relationship. _

_I let out a long sigh and watch as Potter spins her about the dance floor._

_When the stupid dance finally finishes, I don't even bother clapping along with everyone else._

_Potter kisses her hand and the usual anger greets me_

_I find myself rushing up to them, not even caring who is watching._

"_Excuse me Potter" I snarl elbowing him out of the way_

"_Severus!" Lily hisses at me_

"_What the hell do you think you're doing?" Potter pushes me, arrogance dripping from every word. _

"_None of your business" I square up to him, noticing as his hand twitches by his robe pocket "Gonna curse me in front of everyone are you? Even I didn't think you were that stupid" I smirk_

"_James! Severus just leave us alone" Lily pleads trying to push between us_

_I turn to Lily_

"_I just want to dance with you" I say earnestly, ignoring Potter's angry expression_

"_Over my dead body you freak" Potter shoves me _

"_What did you just call me?" I advance towards him, resisting all temptations to get out my wand_

"_Come on guys break it up before I start handing out detentions" Professor Austin's tired voice interrupts us_

_I glare at Potter and find that he is glaring at me back_

_Arrogant shit._

"_Grab your dance partners the next dance is about to start"_

_I see my opportunity for victory_

_I quickly grab Lily by the upper arm and tear her away_

"_Get off me! James!" She calls desperately but it's too late, I've moved her into a crowd of people waiting for the dance to begin._

_I take hold of her hand and grab her waist_

"_Severus! Let me go of me instantly, I'm still extremely pissed at you for what you said about me earlier, or have you forgotten?" _

_I look at her right in the eyes_

"_Lily I just want to prove to you that I'm so much better than Potter. I can't just stand idly by letting this happen"_

_She struggles in my grasp but I clutch her tightly to my body_

"_I've told you before James Potter has been a complete and utter gentleman to me, which is more than what I can say about you" She looks at me disgustedly. _

_I try not to let the anger get the better of me_

"_I wish you could realise what you have right in front of you" I say slowly_

_She scoffs at me_

"_I'm perfectly happy with James"_

_The music starts up and I rather forcefully twirl her around_

_I hold onto her hand tight in case she tries to escape from me_

_I lift her high into the air, looking up at her beautiful face._

_I wish she would smile at me_

_Can't she realise how perfect we would be together?_

_I could be so much more to her than Potter could ever be_

_Her two toned dress shimmers in the light_

_I bend her backwards and can't help but look at her breasts_

_Lust seems to take control of me_

_I pull her back up_

_Grab her by the face_

_Look into her gorgeous green eyes_

_I kiss her soft lips._

_I hear the crowd gasp around me and even some claps_

_But none of that matters_

_My lips connected to Lily's is all that I care about_

_Time seems to slow down_

_But then in a flash it's all gone_

_She's pulled away from me_

_Anger is contorting her beautiful features again_

_I take hold of her hand again_

_She tries to wrench it from my grip but luckily a couple comes dancing towards us_

_I spin her around out of the way, continuing the dance_

_I feel elated yet sad at the same time_

_She won't even look at me_

_The music stops _

_I pull her away from everyone before Potter comes charging over._

_I need to talk to her_

_She struggles from me again_

"_Let go of me" She hisses_

"_Lily I just want to talk to you about just now" I plead_

_She makes a slashing gesture with her hand; there is anger in her eyes_

"_I've never been more embarrassed in my life" _

_I look down at the ground, a lump forming in my throat_

"_I just wanted to show you –"_

"_Just stop!" I look up at her, she looks so fierce that butterfly's start flying about my stomatch. "How dare you violate me in such a way? I mean what the hell has gotten into you lately? All you do is upset me and make me feel like shit, and now you basically kidnap me to dance with you and force yourself upon me in front of everyone! You complain about James but he would never do such a thing to me, you know maybe you need to take a leaf out of his book Severus! I'm so humiliated by what you've done! Right now I wish you had never been born!" She screeches at me before storming off._

_I stand there with my mouth open_

_I can't believe she just told me that she wishes that I've never been born_

_That I should take a leaf out of Potter's book?_

_That I violated her?_

_Why is she such a conceited little bitch?_

_Can't she see past her and Potter's inflated ego for just a minute?_

_I'm so angry I feel like I could curse every single person in this room_

_I actually want Potter to appear right now just so I have the excuse of tearing the arrogant prick from limb to limb_

_And Lily?_

_I want her to watch_

_Infact why not go ahead and properly violate her?_

_After all it seems like the dumb cow needs a lesson in what the word actually means_

_I seethe with anger as a couple walks past me giggling_

_I have to get away from here, away from Potter and Lily._

_I hate the pair of them_

"_Severus?" I look round and one of my fellow Slytherin's Eric Burksten is standing there looking at me with slight concern._

"Severus?"

"_What do you want Eric?" I snap_

"Severus? Are you alright?"

"_Are you ok mate? It looks like that mudblood bitch needs to be taught a lesson" Eric smirks at me._"Severus!" I feel myself being rocked back and forth "Huh?" "You look like you were off on a different planet" Minerva chuckles

I force myself to smile

"Indeed" I say curtly, hoping she'll leave me alone

"Well Dumbledore instructed me to tell you that dinner will be served shortly and he wants to make a little speech beforehand so best to get seated now" She slurs her words slightly

I repress the urge to roll my eyes.

"Thank you Minerva"

I get up and stride off not wanting her to follow me

I just want to be alone with my thoughts.

The hall has now many circular silver tables set out with ice blue coverings and lilac napkins. The staff table is the furthest away and is the usual oblong shape but has been bewitched to turn silver to match the others.

People are milling about the place, wine glasses in hand. Some are seated and telling tales of upcoming holidays.

I glare at everyone who dares look me in the eye

I reach the staff table and spot Potter and Granger already seated with smug looks on their faces.

I grit my teeth together

What does she see in him?

I let out a long sigh and look around the room.

Potter looks over and meets my eye, and to my sheer amazement and anger, waves arrogantly at me.

I grab hold of the table and glare at him

That arrogant piece of shit.

He raises an eyebrow at me and puts his arm round Granger

I look at her face and she's trying to suppress what looks like laughter

I feel something snap within me

The dam of emotions has certainly come crashing down yet again.

I charge over to the pair of them

"Your arrogance really does get the better of you doesn't it Potter?" I snarl, towering down on them

He looks at me, the same expression as his arrogant father

"I don't know what you're talking about Snape" He smirks

I slam my hand down on the table between them and see Granger jump out of the corner of my eye.

"I think you need a lesson on your manners Potter. How does detention tomorrow at 6pm sound to you?"

I watch in anger as he mimes checking his diary

"Sorry sweetheart I'm busy then, but how about next week?"

Granger starts laughing but immediately stops when I shoot her a deathly glare.

"You think you're funny don't you? Impressing your little girlfriend here, but you're nothing Potter. Mark my words you won't be impressing anyone when you end up the same way as your father" I hiss

"Is that a threat?" Potter looks me in the eye and I resist the urge to grab the little shit by the scruff of the neck and ram his head through one of the windows.

"Think of it what you like Potter, I don't take cheek from no-one, so think twice when you decide to mock me in front of everyone" I lean towards him

"I have no idea what you're talking about" He huffs

"Don't play dumb you arrogant boy, I saw your gloating wave to me as if you are superior"

"What?" He turns to Granger and laughs "Seriously? You must be getting paranoid in your old age _Sir_"

I grind my teeth together

"Do not laugh at me Potter, can Gryffindor even afford to lose more housepoints tonight?" I smirk as his cheeks redden "Your little stunt has cost you 15 points, and your cheek just now has just cost you another 10"

"What?" Potter explodes

"Keep your voice down you irritating child, be thankful I haven't given you detention".

"I wasn't even waving to you, you paranoid prick! I was waving to Ron"

"It's true sir, he was only waving to Ron" Granger interjects

"If I wanted your input Miss Granger I would have asked for it" I snap irritated at her for backing up Potter's lies.

She closes her mouth and looks down at her hands defeated

"You call me names again Potter and I'll personally make sure you're expelled. I do not appreciate being made a fool of so don't lie to me, I know Weasley has been _regretfully_ unable to attend this evening" I snarl

"I didn't lie to you" Potter snarls back

"You really expect me to believe that? How stupid do you think I am?" I hiss

"Very" Potter quips, another arrogant smirk forming on his lips

"Why you insolent little bas—"

"Professor" Grangers voice interrupts me

"What now Miss Granger?" I snap again in irritation

"I think this has been a huge miss understanding, infact this whole evening has been a huge miss understanding! I'm sure Harry didn't mean to cause you any offence and I—" She bites her lip

"Yes Miss Granger?"

"And when I called you pathetic earlier, I didn't really mean it, anger just got the better of me and I'm deeply sorry to cause you offence" Her voice is earnest and soft.

I stare at her and notice how she seems too scared to meet my eyes

"Well Miss Granger I—"

"Hold on you called him pathetic?" Potter starts laughing "Nice going Hermione"

I round on Potter

I clench my fist at his stupidity

His girlfriend had just basically apologised for his atrocious behaviour as well as hers yet again this evening, and he has just gone and fucked it up

I actually feel like I could laugh if it was not for the anger rushing through me

"Got something to say to me Potter? No? Well do not speak about me as if I'm not here, 5 points from Gryffindor for further cheek to a teacher"

"Harry!" Granger moans with a look of annoyance and sadness

"Fuck you Snape I'm sick of taking crap from you this whole evening"

I can feel a vein pulsating in my temple

"Congratulations Potter you've finally brought yourself a week's worth of detention with me. I expect to see you in my office at precisely 6.30 Monday night" I spit

"I can't wait"

. . . . . .

"You really do amaze me; consider that another week's worth added on top"

"Suits me"

Why that insolent brat

"And consider that another week added, what's that Potter? Three week's worth of detention, my God your father would be proud" I snarl

"Harry just stop it!" Granger pleads

"Oh I can keep going Potter, make it a month and you can miss the Slytherin vs Gryffindor game for your troubles"

I smirk at his reddened face

He finally closes his mouth and folds his arms with a sulky expression on his face

"Good" I mummer

"I'm going to the bathroom" He kisses Granger on the cheek and I grate my teeth together

He eye's me up and down before sauntering off

"I'm really sorry sir, I don't know what's gotten into him"

I turn my attentions from Potter and look down at Grangers worried face

She's biting he lip again

"I don't expect you to lie to me Miss Granger, I thought you had more sense" I say softly

She bows her head in shame

"It won't happen again sir" She looks up at me "I'm sorry for Harry's outbursts, I wish he wouldn't have carried on" She looks away sadly

"You shouldn't have to apologise for him Hermione, Potter knew full well what he was doing"

I widen my eyes in astonishment

Did I just call her Hermione again?

Fuck

She stares at me with a curious expression but there is a hint of a smile on her lips

"I didn't mean what I said earlier about calling you pathetic, I shouldn't have been so childish. I mean looking at Harry's behaviour tonight; I can understand why you have been on at him"

I supress a smirk that starts rising to the corners of my mouth

"It's quite alright _Miss Granger_"

I lay emphasis on the last two words

The student teacher boundary must always be there

I can't allow myself a moment of weakness

I have to be the adult.

I let out a long sigh

"What's wrong?"

I meet her chocolate brown eyes and my body fills up with sadness

I can't be with her

She's my student

These types of relationships are completely forbidden

Even if she did have feelings for me I'm still her teacher

"Nothing that concerns you Miss Granger" I involuntary snap

I don't want to push her away but I have to end these lustful feelings

"Ok" She looks down disappointed

I have to keep up the façade

I guess to protect both of us

Not that she probably even likes me

Do I even like her?

I feel so confused

"Maybe you should mind your own business Miss Granger and focus more on your idiotic boyfriend"

I force myself to raise an eyebrow at her

She looks back up at me, her mouth open wide

"You might want to make sure he's not off making the same life choices as his hideous father, I recall he used to pick any silly girl at random, get as far with them as they would allow, then dump her the following week for some new model"

My heart is beating in my chest

I want to close my eyes and when they reopen the situation is different

I wish I could convey that I don't wish to hurt her

"What?" She looks at me disgustedly "I really don't understand you? You act like everything is fine one moment and then you say these things to me the next"

I fake a snort

"It might have failed your attention Granger but I am a teacher so I can do as I damn well please. So _sorry _I didn't consider your feelings before opening my mouth"

She shakes her head at me

God I hate myself.

"Fine be like this, I really don't care"

She throws her hands up in the air and storms off

I watch her walk towards the crowd, she turns around at one point and looks at me with tears in her eyes and shakes her head at me again before turning back round.

I wish I could follow her

Tell her that I didn't mean those things

That I care about her

Well I think I care about her

_Oh just stop denying it Severus. You obviously have feelings for this girl. Stop rocking back and forth between emotions_

I know the voice in my head is right but at the same time I simply can't do anything

I would lose my job if anyone was to find out

I mean imagine if she didn't even feel the same way, she would run straight to Dumbledore and I would up in Azkaban for Christ sake.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and turn back to go to the staff table

I want to shove everyone out of my way

I hope she doesn't hate me

Then again she probably already hated me to begin with

_You cannot deny what happened earlier_

Ah yes when out in the entrance hall when I thought she was flirting with me

I snort to myself

She's too devoted to Potter

Just like Lily in that respect, blinded by Potter's arrogance

But what about me?

The way I treated Lily, the way I just treated Hermione, I too am blinded

Blinded by love?

I curl my fists

This isn't some cheesy love story I'm living.

I reach the staff table and seat myself unfortunately next to Minerva

God I hope she doesn't strike up some tedious conversation with me

I nod my head at her and look around supressing a groan

The tables are almost full, and those that remain seated are trying to find space to sit.

I want to groan further when that oaf Hagrid seats himself next to me

"Proffesor" Hagrid nods

"Hagrid" I reply bored and resist the urge to roll my eyes

"Havin' a good evening?" He says gruffly

"Yes thank you" I say curtly before turning away, signifying all closure to the conversation

I hear him mutter something about me but I can't be bothered to even to think of a retort.

Once everyone is seated Dumbledore gets up and taps a spoon against his glass

"Ladies and Gentleman I hope you have been enjoying this evening's festivities. I won't drag this speech on as I know you must all be famished, so I just want to say it's been a pleasure having each and every one of you here. I know our pupils and staff have worked hard to make this evening happen, and I hope that you continue to have a good time! Bon Appetite!"

He claps his hands together and a wide selection of food appears on every table

His usual trick that is reserved for the beginning of term feast causes guests to clap in amazement.

I reach out and grab various pieces of food and waste no time in devouring them

I'm surprised I'm eating if I'm honest

I thought after all that's happened this evening I wouldn't be able to stomach it

I hear McGonagall saying something to me and I just grunt out a response

I'm too busy looking for Hermione

I want to see if she's ok.

I eventually spot her at a different table; she's sat with Potter, Longbottom, the Weasley chick, Dean Thomas and some other irrelevant Gryffindor's.

She doesn't really seem to be eating just dragging her fork around her plate

Potter seems to be throwing his food anywhere but his mouth

I shudder

Does that boy have any qualities that can be redeemable?

What do girls she in him?

Before I can look down at my plate

Hermione looks up and her eyes lock onto mine

I have never seen so much venom coming from her eyes

Not even from that time when I gave her a B- for a potions paper

I just stare at her and she stares back at me

I want to mouth to her that I'm sorry

I really didn't mean what I said

I just needed a safeguard

Something that didn't occur to me before hits me, even if she did like me and somehow we managed to be together, it would never work. Not because she's my student but because of who I am, I've done and seen evil things in my time, I couldn't ever be with someone so pure and so innocent.

I feel so tired.

She eventually looks away from me and starts talking to Potter

I force my eyes away from her

Another moment of tonight that reminds me of Lily

Why did I ever go to that dance?

Why did I ever force her to dance with me?

I should have just cut my losses

Gone back up to the dorm and read

The safer option

I look down at my plate not even bothering to block out the memories anymore

"_We need to teach the little bitch a lesson" Eric whispers to me_

_We are sat at a table near the back with four other Slytherin's_

"_You can't let the little mudblood walk all over you Sev" Derek Ashwall says leaning over to me_

_There's an explode of hushed "Yeahs!" around the table_

_I look around unsure_

_I was extremely angry at Lily but what Eric is suggesting is awful _

_It would teach her a lesson though, the back of my voice whispers_

_I catch Lily's eye and she shoots me the frostiest glare I've ever encountered_

_It actually makes my blood feel like it's been turned to ice_

_She nudges Potter and whispers something into his ear_

_I watch as they both look at me and unkindly laugh _

_I grind my teeth together and turn back round_

_So much for feeling sorry for the conceited bitch_

"_I'm in" I say quietly_

"_Excellent" Eric smiles at me "The bitch is dead" _

_We all lean closer as Eric explains the plan._

I let out the breath I had been holding

I suddenly feel sick and just want to flee to my dorms

It's always worse when you remember properly and don't just skim the edges

I can even taste in my mouth the pumpkin juice laced with some spirit I had been drinking at that table.

God why didn't I just get up and walk away?

I look back up again when I feel composed

I notice that Hermione seems to be intentionally looking anywhere but at me

I let out a little sigh before looking on

But something catches me eye

Lucius is sat a few tables away staring at her

My heart beats faster when I notice that there is a hungry lustful look in his eyes

He bites his lip and there is a dirty expression plastered on his face

I want to get my wand out and curse the sick bastard

What is he doing?

He catches me looking at him and holds up his wine glass at me before taking a sip with a smirk on his lips.

I keep watch on him for the remainder of the feast but luckily he doesn't seem to look anywhere in Hermione's direction.

It must have been just a fluke; he might have been looking at the table of rich ladies behind hers.

"So Severus care to dance at last?" Minerva is standing and outstretches her hand to me

"No I don't think so" I lean away from her

"Oh go on Severus, honestly Minerva I've been nagging him all evening to go and enjoy himself" Dumbledore interjects

"Thank you Albus" I shoot him daggers

"Come on" she commands.

Before I can protest again she's grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet

I grab hold of the table with my free hand to steady myself

I could do without falling on top of her in front of everyone.

She drags me to the dance floor and I spot Potter and Hermione getting up from their table.

"Put your arms around my waist"

I widen my eyes

Oh God

"Honestly Minerva I'm not much of a dancer" I protest

"Rubbish. Let's dance!" She slurs

The band starts up again and I'm forced to comply with her

I feel like every part of my body is groaning and cringing

I guess I now know how Lily felt.

"Oh Severus!" She moans with pleasure when I bend her backwards

How funny it would be to drop her right now and walk off

I supress the grin that is starting to form on my lips at the thought.

I actually almost drop her when I spot Potter and Granger dancing close by.

I swear there is more passion between them this time

There doesn't seem to be gaps anywhere between their two bodies

"Ouch Severus!" Minerva's voice distracts me

"Huh?" I look down at her confused

"You're crushing my hand!"

I look at her hand and see that I'm indeed squeezing too hard

"Oh sorry" I say quietly trying to keep my eyes off Potter and Granger dancing

I bring Minerva back up and spin her around, trying to focus on something and not let my eyes and thoughts wander back to the romantic couple.

I think about books I need to read in my head and start listing them in alphabetical order which actually seems to help

Mmm I wish I was in my room with my feet up by the cosy fire, reading.

Such a perfect escape

Hours seem to pass with me in this blissful thought.

I find myself coming to a stop

"Severus you can stop dancing with me now" Minerva is giving me a strange expression

"Good" I say before walking off, ignoring her moaning.

Thank god that tedious moment is over.

I don't want to go back to thinking of Potter and Granger, nor do I want to go back to thinking of Potter and Lily so I focus on my books again

I sit down at a free table and kick myself for not grabbing a glass of wine off one of the trays

I look around trying to find one of those blasted elves

My eyes narrow when I see Potter on the dance floor with some blonde, she appears to be grinding against him and there is appreciative lust written all over his face

Where's Granger?

I stand up and look around the side-lines but she is nowhere to be found

She isn't dancing either

I can't see her sitting down

I check all the quite spots in the room

Maybe she's gone to the bathroom?

Typical Potter, his girlfriend's back is turned for no more than five minutes and he is clinging to the nearest blonde.

God I wish Granger was here to see this

Hopefully she comes back soon and realises what a mistake she has made

She'll be apologizing to me for months

Ha.

Ten minutes seem to pass and she still hasn't come back

I tap my foot impatiently

Potter doesn't seem to concerned with her whereabouts

I storm over to him dancing

"Where is Miss Granger?" I bark

"I don't know and I don't really care" He arrogantly twirls around this irritating giggling blonde

She doesn't even hold a candle to Hermione

"I thought she was meant to be _your _date?" I hiss

He laughs at me before dancing away

I resist all urges to follow him and curse the little shit

I'll get that little toe rag back, you mark my words.

I turn around and push through dancing couples

Where has she gone?

I prowl about the hall looking for her again but she is still nowhere to be found.

I eventually give up and decide that she's probably just gone to bed and sit back down at an empty table.

I rest my head on one of my hands bored

I really have got to get my shit together

What if the Dark Lord somehow finds out about this?

Me and Hermione would both be fucked.

I sigh deeply just wanting this night to end

"Severus darling have you seen Lucius?" Narcissa's voice and perfume comes floating to my senses

I look up and see that Narcissa is standing over me stroking my collar

"No, is he not with the Goyle's?" I try to keep the boredom out of my voice

"Oh I didn't think to check" She touches my cheek with one long finger "I'll be right back, don't go anywhere" She says flirtatiously.

I let out a groan

Maybe I could retire to my rooms now?

I could finally end this night of torture.

I feel something nagging at me at the back of my mind

Hmm

I look around from where I'm sitting and I still can't see Hermione

_Or Lucius_

What was that?

Lucius

Oh god

I think back to dinner earlier and how he was staring at her with animal lust

That can't be right…?

But then there was our conversation earlier during the dance where he was talking about how much he would like to "teach" her a lesson

Fuck

I leap to my feet and stagger through the crowds

People moan and push me but I don't care, they're just a blur.

I have to find her

What if Lucius has…

Oh Merlin it doesn't bear thinking about

"Out of my way!" I barge through a group of fifth years

I finally make my way through the doors but the hall is deserted

Maybe I was just imagining things

What did I expect to find Lucius pinning Hermione to a wall, when anyone could walk out at any moment?

_He wouldn't have been the first idiot to do so…_

I close my eyes

This is the memory I don't want to think about

I loathe myself for what happened that night

I start taking deep breaths but it's too late the memory is too strong and I start to drown in my thoughts.

_We stand waiting outside the Great Hall in the shadows waiting for Lily to finally emerge_

_The plan was to tell a third year to go up to her and say there has been a girl's emergency involving Violet (a girl in her dorm), and that she's in the toilets waiting for Lily._

_I don't know whether Lily will fall for it_

_I hope she will…_

_It's just as if the power of thought made it work, Lily comes out her high heels clicking on the marble floor. _

_When the door closes behind her, Eric calls out "Get her!"_

"_Huh?" Lily spins around _

_Her eyes meet mine but I look away._

_We all rush to her so she can't escape, and Eric drags her by her hair to the shadows_

"_Severus help me please" Lily sobs trying to break free _

"_Shut it mudblood" Eric pushes her against the wall_

_I just stand there watching the scene unfold not finding the strength to do anything_

_I feel so numb_

_It's almost like I don't want to do anything to help her_

_Maybe this will teach her a lesson to pick arrogant bullying toe rags over me._

"_Severus!" _

_I stare at her_

_There are tears spilling from her eyes, her mascara is smudged._

_She reaches out for me to help her _

_But still I feel nothing_

_Actually I do feel something_

_I feel rage_

"_Oh God please stop"_

_Rage at her for being so stupid_

"_You're hurting me"_

_Rage at her for ever thinking that she could call me evil and defend Potter in the same sentence_

"_ARGHHH. Omigod please, just please stop"_

_Rage at her for laughing at me right in the face_

"_Please help me" she pleads, her eyes wide with fear_

"_Didn't I just say shut it? You stupid mudblood, you see Sev here would like to say something to you" _

_Eric pins her against the wall so she can't move_

_The rest of the group are leering at her, wands outstretched in front of them. _

"_Severus" She sobs _

_I smirk as her head gets slammed against the stone wall_

"_Oh dear Lily, what have you got yourself into?" Eric whispers into her ear, grabbing her hair._

_The group laughs_

"_You touch me and I swear to God you will pay for this Burksten" She struggles again to get free of his grasp._

_This makes the group laugh even harder, I actually feel myself laughing along with them._

"_You see sweetheart, you're hardly in the position to be making threats now are you?" Eric taunts her and looks over at me for approval_

_I smile at him and step forward_

_Lily's eyes widen further and she starts reaching towards me again before Eric pins her arms against the wall. _

"_She's all yours" Eric smirks at me stepping aside as I draw closer_

"_Please please help me Severus" She cowers sliding down the wall, more tears splashing down her face._

_I crouch down and tuck her red hair behind her ears_

_I take hold of her chin gently so our eyes meet_

"_Why would I ever want to help you? You disgusting mudblood bitch" I spit at her_

_The group erupts behind me in jeers and laughter_

_Lily looks so scared, I've never seen her this fearful before_

_Her hair is clumped together and there is blood pouring down her face from where Eric smacked her head._

_It's like I've taken a step back from the rage and looking at the scene from another set of eyes._

_What have I done?_

_I would have never wanted to hurt Lily_

_Oh God_

"_Lily I'm so sorry" I say frantically _

_I try to stop the blood running further down her face but she pushes away from me_

"_Lily" I say urgently as she struggles to get up_

_She starts to crawl away from us_

"_Oi mudblood where do you think you're going?" one of the group advances towards her_

"_Leave her" I bark_

_He turns around with a disgusted expression on his face_

"_But Sev—"_

"_Just leave us"_

"_Maybe Sev wants to teach her a private lesson" I hear one of them joke_

_Luckily they all shuffle back inside the great hall_

_My heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest._

"_Lily let me help you, please" I move over to her and try to wrap my arms around her_

"_Just stay away from me" She elbows me in the face and I see that her eyes are wild like an animal before they're about to attack. _

"_I'm so sorry; I never ever meant what I said. I was just angry" I splutter_

_She slowly stands up _

_I rush towards her _

"_Just get away from me"_

"_Oh Lily please you have to believe me"_

_She pushes me again_

_I watch as she limps off_

_She turns around and stares at me straight in the face_

"_Lily—"_

"_I actually hate you for this Severus, I thought you were different, that you were better than them, but you're not, you're just like all the rest of the filthy Slytherins, and I will never ever forgive you for what you did to me tonight"._

_I'm about to protest when a voice suddenly calls Lily's name_

"_Lily? What's going on?"_

_I look over in horror and anger as I see Potter come rushing to her side_

"_Did he do this to you?"_

_He looks over at me_

"_What the fuck did you do to Lily?"_

"_I—I"_

"_James just leave it, he's not worth it. I just want to go and lie down" She touches his arm_

_I look down at the ground ashamed at what I've done, not wanting to look at Potter's gloating face._

"_You ever go near Lily again you ugly piece of shit, I'll have you out of this school before you can blink. You understand freak?"_

_I silently nod my head_

"_I said do you understand freak?"_

"_James! Just leave him"_

_I look up in hope that maybe Lily is showing a softer side, but I can tell by the glare she is giving me, that nothing is forgiven and that I've well and truly lost her._

_I don't think there is anything I could do that would atone for my actions tonight._

_The pair of them exits up the staircase and I'm left alone with nothing but regrets and Lily's blood on my hand. _

I feel tears forming in my eyes and I start to shake a little

I was such a stupid bastard then

How could I have ever hurt Lily?

I tried to make it up to her but she never wanted to know

James and his awful gang picked on me more than ever

But deep down I knew I deserved it

Me and Lily went our separate ways, I delved into the dark arts and she got herself pregnant the year we left school.

I never heard from her

I think she was truly happy with it being that way.

"ARGHHH"

A scream distracts me from thoughts

What was that?

It seemed pretty distant

Hermione?

I hear the noise again and locate it coming from the dungeons

I blast open the door with my wand and charge down the stone steps

"Please, please stop" I hear a female voice sob

I hear a man's voice laugh

The tunnels smell awful like rotten eggs and damp, I've never really noticed it before.

I run through the stone corridors till at the end I see two figures

The lighting is so dark I can't really see who it is

One, the smaller of the two, is pressed up against the wall

The other is leaning down kissing their neck

"Please get off me! I won't tell anyone I promise" the girls voice pleads, I instantly recognise it as being Hermione's

"Shh my little mudblood" The voice mummers to her

"Leave her alone!" I command

My voice echoes down the tunnel

"Well well well if it isn't Severus Snape" the male voice calls out to me

"Lucius"

I start walking towards them and tread on something wooden like a stick

I take no notice and carry on

I need to help Hermione.

"I said get off of her Lucius"

"No Severus what I believe you said was to leave her alone. I don't appreciate your interference me and Miss Granger are just simply having a ball down here aren't we gorgeous?"

I can't see his face but I can tell there is that arrogant aristocratic expression on his face.

"Professor _please_ help!" Hermione pleads

"Aw isn't that sweet?" Lucius mocks "I would suggest a threesome Severus but I prefer the other party to be another girl" He laughs

I hear Hermione whimper in fear

"This is your last chance Lucius, leave her alone" I snarl

He laughs at me before going back to kissing her neck

In a second I've ripped him away from her and shoved him against the stone wall

"I warned you" I spit

I wanted to tear his head off

I want to watch him bleed and suffer

I want him dead.

"Oh Severus you stupid fool"

He pushes me off him

I fall and my wand slips just out of my reach

"CRUCIO"

My god my body feels like every nerve ending is on fire. The pain shoots through my body, repeating the pain over and over like I'm getting stabbed with a dagger in every pore.

The pain is lifted and I instantly grab my wand and roll over

"SECTUMSEMPRA"

A flash of green shoots out of my wand and hits the wall

I hear Hermione panting and cowering

"CRUCI—"

"PROTEGO"

I quickly get to my feet, trying to ignore the dizziness that's greeted me

"Time to die Severus, this is what happens when you pick a mudblood over your equals. ADVADA KE—"

"NOOO" Hermione's voice screams

"SECTUMSEMPRA" I roar

I don't miss this time

I hear the sound of Lucius hitting the wall

I run straight to Hermione

"Lumos" I say quickly and scan her face

There are cuts and bruises mixed in with mascara all over her face

I look down and see her beautiful dress has been torn, her right breast is almost falling out.

She quickly covers herself with her hands.

"Are you ok?" I look at her with concern

She can't look me in the eyes

I'm going to kill Lucius, if he isn't already dead.

I clench my fist in upmost rage

How dare he do this to her!

She shakes her head just a little before collapsing into my chest sobbing.

I hold her quivering form close to me, resting my face in her hair.

I try not to think of what could have happened if I wasn't there to help her

She pulls back a little and looks up at me with wide eyes, tears still spilling down from them.

"Thank you so much professor" she sobs

"What happened?" I ask gently, keeping my arms around her

"H-Harry didn't want t-to dance anymore so I-I went to the side and he—he started dancing with this other gir—girl. Then I-I had this weird sen—sensation to go out into the entrance hall and before I knew it I-I was down here with h—him. He—He snapped my w-wand and tried t-to r—rape me" She collapses back in my chest again.

"Shh, shh it's all ok now, I'm here" I sooth her.

I stroke her hair and hold her tight to me

Minutes seem to pass and her breathing slows down

"You were right about Harry" she says into my chest "He did only want one thing"

I feel a tiny bubble of happiness in my chest but nothing can completely erase how sad and angry I feel at what she had just been put through

"That doesn't matter Hermione, I'm just glad you're ok"

I kiss her head and inhale the sweet smell of strawberries.

She looks up at me and bites her lip

"Thank you for saving me. How did you know I was down here?"

Her chocolate eyes are so wide and innocent

I might as well tell the truth

"I noticed you weren't at the dance anymore, I asked Potter where you were and he didn't seem to care so I went on a search for you. When I was in the entrance hall I heard your screams and came rushing down here."

A tear falls down her face and I wipe it away with my free hand

"Why did you care so much?" She sobs

I draw in a long breath, wanting to retreat but would I ever get a moment like this?

I fucked things up with Lily, and I should have realised she never really cared for me.

"I like you Hermione" I say simply

"You like me?" she seems confused

My heart is hammering in my chest as I slowly lean down and kiss her forehead

I hear her gasp and I instantly pull my face away releasing her from my grasp

"Miss Granger I am so sorry, I shouldn't have done tha—" I say quickly, backing away

Oh fuck I've really done it now

"It's ok, it's ok. I liked it" she says quietly and slowly

What?

Shouldn't she be running to Dumbledore?

I hear her exhale and I feel sick with nerves.

"I like you too Severus"

She steps towards me and takes my hand and looks up at me

I feel giddy, I can't believe this is happening!

Did she really just say that she liked me kissing her?

That she truly likes me back?

I take hold of her chin with both of my hands and plant a small gentle kiss on her soft lips

I feel so elated

I can't believe this is actually happening!

We break apart and smile at each other, fresh happiness soars through me.

Who knows what will happen?

Maybe things won't even go further than this kiss?

I hope they do

I just want her to be happy and for me not to mess things up like I did with Lily.

This evening has made me realise that Lily never loved me, she couldn't ever see past her lust for Potter

I know I could have handled things a lot differently as I know I'm not completely innocent

But it could be argued, the mistakes we make in our past can lead to regrets, and these are what help's shape us into the people we are today.

I look at Hermione and see how innocent she is

I don't want to hurt her, just love her.

I don't want to treat her like I treated Lily

I don't want to have any regrets this time round.


End file.
